Why have I begun a blog titled “Owning Your Inherent Goodness? I suppose it is because the words are so powerful to me. When I meditate on the very thought of this idea it is a tonic to my soul. However, can I honestly say that I own my inherent goodness in the life that I lead today? At this point in my life I must answer “no”.
I do believe, however, that “Owning My Inherent Goodness” has been the one thing in my life that I was destined to do. For some reason it has been a burning desire that resonates throughout my entire being. It’s not only a craving of mine, but the Holy Grail that I have pursued my entire life.
And now, for some reason, at the age of 50 it appears that writing a blog about this very pursuit is the next logical step in my journey to FINALLY do exactly that – own my inherent goodness. I can’t explain it, but right now it feels just right to write. Could it be that I’ve crossed the great divide that kept me from owning my inherent goodness all these years? Is it possible?
Why is it that I now believe I have a voice that has the right to exist and be heard. . . even if there is no one on the other end of this blog to read these words?
You see for the majority of my life I felt that I was literally a “mistake” and that I was not supposed to be here. That feeling was only cemented when I asked my father if I was planned (an intentional pregnancy). He answered in the most unapologetic manner that I was in fact an unplanned pregnancy and that I was a “mistake”.
The way my father said this sent shivers down my spine. I felt a sense of doom in my mind and heart as he confirmed my deepest fears that I indeed should have never been born. In a flash I understood why I had tried my entire life to achieve success in everything I did as a way to prove to myself (and others) that I was worthy. . . and, that I was supposed to be here.
And yet, no matter how many successes I achieved in my life I always felt I was “bad” and not supposed to be here. It felt as if I had a “hole in my soul” and that if somehow. . . someway. . . I could only read the right self-help book, find the right therapist, find the right girlfriend, right job, right place to live, etc., then I would be “healed”.
If what I’ve written today doesn’t sound too crazy and resonates with you, than please stay on this journey with me as I share how I got to where I am today. It is my hope that by sharing my experiences on this journey with you that it will allow me to cross that divide that had kept me separated from owning my inherent goodness all these years.
My other hope for this blog is that my words may connect with you and give you your own hope that you are on the right path. . . that you have always been on the right quest to know the truth about yourself. . . that you are inherently good.
Please feel free to forward this blog entry to anyway you feel may benefit. If you and I share this journey, then there must be others like us who are on the same path. Maybe they, too, can benefit.
Until my next posting I wish you well and want you to know that I acknowledge the inherent goodness you possess.